Why You Need to Move Out of Your Parents’ House ASAP

Being from Asian families, most of us live with our parents well into adulthood.  While white kids are being kicked out by their parents when they turn 18, our parents actually prefer to have us staying at home.  My mom went as far as suggesting that I should find a wife soon and live in with them, like a big happy traditional Chinese family.  If this is actually what you want, then I am happy for you by all means.  Life is actually simpler that way, and you will save money.

But ah, life, how complicated it often is.  If you are a first generation Asian who immigrated at a young age (like me), or a second generation born here to Asian parents, then you would be lying if you said there wasn’t a massive cultural divide between you and your parents.  The way you think, the way you want to live, and the things you value, will all be different from those of your parents.  But, for as long as you are living under your parents’ roof, you will need to obey in some cases, or at least compromise in other cases.  Some are lucky to have unconventionally laid-back Asian parents who will leave you alone to do whatever you want, but those are outliers.  Personally, I am still yet to meet an Asian parent who did not think that marijuana is basically on par with heroine.

In order to get the most out of your life, especially as an up-and-coming young Asian man in your late-teens or early twenties, you absolutely must move out of your parents’ house.  Most white people are thrown into the fire when they turn 18, and they develop valuable life skills and mental toughness by struggling through the wilderness that is the real world.  We, in comparison, are overly pampered by our parents, and that, in the long run, does not bode well for our social competitiveness.

Here are the reasons why you must move out:

  1. You will develop mental independence. You will start to take matters into your own hands as far as everyday life goes, and you will learn very quickly about all kinds of “adult” stuff.  You will speed up your mental maturation.  When I first moved out, I found something as simple as grocery shopping to be quite a fascinating experience.  Nowadays, I know what to do if I get into a car accident AND I know how to do my own taxes!
  2. You will develop physical independence. You will develop skills that are necessary for living alone, such as cooking, budgeting, and even fixing things.  A modern man needs to know how to cook for himself, since many women in the Anglosphere do not.  Also, cooking proper, natural foods for yourself is important from a health/fitness perspective.  When I first moved out, my diet composed primarily of Campbell’s, whereas nowadays I can easily conjure up an array of healthy and relatively delicious dishes in my kitchen.
  3. You will be lonely sometimes, which is a good thing. You might ask WTF am I talking about here.  Loneliness, in small doses, is actually a very good source of motivation.  When people are lonely, they tend to think more or read more – in other words, perfect time for self-improvement, as long as you keep a positive and productive outlook on life and do not let yourself turn into an emo loser.  When I was living with my parents, I had meals made for me and waste all my spare time playing video games or out goofing around with friends.  I was simple.  After I moved out to live on my own, I started reading a lot more, learning a lot more, and reflecting a lot more.  I started seeing a lot of things around me that I wasn’t even aware of before, and I started thinking about what are the things that I want and how I could get them.  Loneliness is a form of adversity and challenge, and as men, we improve when we are faced with challenges.  Nobody gets better from being comfortable all the time.  I firmly believe that one big reason why northern European civilizations advanced quickly was due to the long winters of isolation, which allowed people to focus their minds on new ideas, whereas civilizations from tropical climates were spending more of their time relaxing outside.
  4. You will become more ballsy (Freedom!). Living alone will make you more adventurous.  This is as simple as taking off the Asian parental shackles.  Nobody will tell you when to be home or whether if you are allowed to do this or do that.  As well, you will become more open/prone to peer pressure, which, as long as you are not stupid about it, is actually a good thing for a developing man.  Freedom coupled with peer pressure will allow us to experience new things, sometimes even stepping out of our comfort zones completely.  I had never slept with a girl while living with my parents, and guess what, 2 months after moving out, I slept with a girl for the first time in my life.  In a society that often mocks the meekness and timidity of Asian men, we need more bold Asian brothers out there to raise our collective image.
  5. Your romantic life will improve significantly. See above.  When you have gotten to the point where a girl is ready to let you take her home, you can be damn certain that you won’t hesitate if you’ve got your own pad.
You can take girls back to your own place and have them walking around like this, which probably wouldn't fly at your parents' house.
You can take girls back to your own place and have them walking around like this, which probably wouldn’t fly at your parents’ house.
  1. You will become more motivated about life. When you first move out, everything is exciting and challenging.  You get this “I’m a big boy now” mentality which further motivates you to be productive.  Once you get comfortable living alone this will dissipate a bit, but it’s still better than living at your parents’ house.

All of the above are extremely important in the development of a boy into a man.  I have mostly lived by myself and prefer the lone wolf arrangement, but living with roommates can be just as good.  The only problem with living with others is whether or not your cleanliness is compatible with theirs.  Guilty as charged, I am pretty OCD myself, and it hasn’t always been easy to find roommates who are on the same level of cleanliness as me.

I have a theory that living with parents contributes significantly to a lack of manliness.  So, if you are in your 20’s and still living with your parents, move out ASAP.  Unless you live in inhumane real estate markets like New York City, San Francisco, LA, or London, then I’m sure you are smart/successful enough to have a job/scholarship/grad school pay/parental support that can afford you rent and food.

Jump into the real world with both feet and be your own self-made man, fellow Asian brothers.

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  1. Good post and I agree with your reasons on moving out. But for us folks who do live in metro cities like SF with insane housing markets and renting out isn’t financially feasible, what do you recommend we do? Is it worth risking financial ruin for the reasons listed above?

    1. Author

      Hi Jeff, sorry for the super late reply (been away from the site for a while). If you live in the Bay Area then definitely not worth it — better to save your cash so you can take it somewhere else for an adventure or start investing/a business. Maybe try getting a job in another young people-friendly city (like Austin) so you can have an independent lifestyle without going bankrupt. I guess I should have mentioned in my article that certain cities around the world are not feasible for a young guy to be living on his own (e.g. SF, NYC, Hong Kong, London, Tokyo, etc.).

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