Becoming good at dating is like becoming professional at a sport like soccer. You learn individual moves, techniques, get coaching, practice, and then you must repeatedly put all your learnings together and test yourself in matches. You will win some games, but you will also lose many, and you will have good games and many bad games. Over time, your muscle memory will develop, your skills become more natural to you, you need less time to make decisions on the pitch, and you become a better soccer player. Professionals must always get their first touch of the ball right, and they must make correct decisions in fractions of a second, and anticipate situations before they even arrive.
All of this echoes learning social skills and the dating game — at first maybe everything seems daunting and you don’t even know where to start. But, bit by bit, as you pick up more knowledge and put that into action via real life practice or observations, things start to come together. For me, observing women’s subtle body language cues is almost second nature now, as my brain can quickly survey and pick up many such subtle movements in front of me within a second. However, I notice that many many guys are still completely oblivious when it comes to these cues. Hence, I am writing this post to cover the signs that you should look out for in order to know when a girl might be interested in you, to make your life easier when it comes to prospecting and capturing your opportunities.
The Hair Play
This is the most common and easy-to-spot subtle body language cue that indicates a sudden change of state in a woman. When a woman suddenly plays with her hair upon seeing or interacting with you, it could mean that she is interested in you, but it could also simply mean she is nervous (the two often come together though).
As humans, when we get slightly nervous from a slightly uncomfortable situation (attraction, fright, pressure, etc.), our sympathetic nervous system kicks in and our limbs start moving almost unconsciously — this is also why you see people scratching their face or touching their nose when they are nervous, lying, etc. In the case of women flicking their hair, it is hypothesized that as a biological behaviour they expose their neck (vulnerable part of the human body) in the presence of a dominant alpha male, surrendering their femininity.
The hair play can come in several common forms:
- She moves her hair from her side to behind her back with her hand, exposing her neck completely
- She twirls a piece of her hair with her finger
- She strokes or combs her long hair with her fingers
All of these are indicators that she is feeling something hormonally as she encounters you, as mentioned above. This is a great sign because there is nothing worse than being unnoticed or irrelevant. If you think about it, it’s similar to you running into a hot girl or your boss vs. passing by an average looking dude on the street — the former is certain to rouse a hormonal response in your body and make you slightly aroused/nervous, whereas the latter probably won’t even register on your mind.
The hair play is a major cue I look for when I am out in nightclubs, for example, where it’s dark and loud and hard to see what’s going on around you. It happened many times where I would be walking through the club and a girl I pass by suddenly plays with her hair, and I immediately react to strike up a conversation with her, usually to positive results.
Another really fun thing you can observe is when you (well-groomed, looking sharp) walk into a room with many women (e.g. at some event), pay attention and you should right away notice at least a couple of women touching their hair. It literally happens all the time.
The Awkward Side-Eyes
This one is funny, and very subtle, but I notice it sometimes. This usually happens when a woman noticed you or you both noticed each other, and you both know it. However, since many women are shy and are rarely willing to outright indicate their interest, they will play these awkward body language games by habit.
The awkward side-eyes refers to when she walks by you after you already mutually noticed each other, but instead of giving a quick glance your way or making eye contact with you, she stares straight ahead but her eyeballs drift to the side as she walks past you. She is not turning her head or neck, but you can catch her eyeballs moving towards the corner of her eyes, almost as if her body is forcing her to look at you through her peripheral vision.
This one sounds a bit ridiculous, but observe your surroundings and you will notice it happening for sure. As humans our intuition and spatial awareness are actually quite good, and you’d be surprised how often you can notice someone looking at you out of your own peripheral vision, etc.
The Repeated Leg Crossing
This one is simple — it’s when you are sitting with her and talking, on a date or whatever, she is unsettled and readjusts her position a little too frequently, and you notice. She is crossing her legs, uncrossing, then crossing again. Again, the frequent limb movements are from nervous (chemical reaction in her body), and the body language is the result. Positive sign.
The Hands Between Her Legs
This one is an interesting one, and it’s my personal observation and hypothesis. Sometimes when a girl is sitting with you on a date, she might start putting her two hands both between her thighs, rather than leaving them in normal positions like on the table or armrest. She is assuming an either 1) defensive or 2) submissive position, with her back hunched forward and her arms narrowed in by her hands between her legs. Again, this shows that she is unsettled in your presence, and 8 times out of 10 this is a positive sign — chances are she is nervous from attraction rather than because she’s scared shitless that you will kidnap her.
My other hypothesis is that women have a tendency to put their hands between their legs to cover their female regions, because their female parts are reacting or tingling. Even though everyone is wearing clothes and nobody can see anything, it is natural for a human to try to cover up a sensitive area, especially in the case of a sensitive reaction.
The Sparkle in Her Eyes
This is when you’ve already known each other, at least for a few hours if not a few days/weeks. You’ll have moments when you are looking at each other and her eyes just look sparkly, usually accompanied by a genuine smile. The sparkly eyes indicate that she is super into you at that moment, and basically you can do no wrong.
I’ve been in these moments when a girl has the giddy little girl sparkly eyes and I felt I could literally do no wrong. I could have told her that I am the weakest and bitchiest guy on the planet and she would have argued against me. These are moments when she is totally into you, and these are the most beautiful moments in a relationship in my opinion.
Of course, none of these subtle body language cues are a be-all-end-all, and you still have to see how things progress. But, these are great indicators for a potentially positive reception from the woman. The rest is up to you, but for efficiency’s sake you should definitely take the higher percentage play than just randomly cold approaching a girl who didn’t even know you were in her general vicinity.
Beware of non-subtle or “on-purpose” body language from females, like showing cleavage, putting on huge (fake) smiles, etc. These are usually used for manipulation purposes — they want something from you, rather than they want you. Don’t be easily put off guard by a girl showing cleavage and smiling, and think that you have her in the bag. See what her real intentions are instead.
Be observant out there, implement your new knowledge, until everything becomes second nature.