How to Deal with Asian Penis Jokes

Okay, I’m in a bullish mood today and I really just felt like keeping it real by tackling one taboo issue that we Asian dudes must deal with at least a few times in our lives.

How many of you reading out there have come across a situation where you were directly or indirectly the butt of an Asian penis joke?  Whether be from some asshole in real life or some random keyboard warrior?  Unless you hang out exclusively in all-Asian social circles (both in person and online) 100% of the time, then I’m sure most of you have come across such an awkward instance.

It probably went something like this:

  • Keyboard warrior commenting on an animated picture of Bruce Lee in MMA spandex shorts, “that bulge is too big, he’s Asian.
  • Keyboard warrior trolling you on an internet forum, “shut up you d*ckless ******.
  • Your insecure white friend making a “funny” joke, “well they are small in the pants so… hahaha OMFG I’m so funny!
  • Some sports analyst “analyzing” Jeremy Lin after a night of Linsanity, “some lucky lady in New York is gonna feel a couple inches of pain tonight!

Did it make you cringe a little?  Feel a little uneasy?  Or even embarrassed, in the case of the joke being made in person, in front of your face?

I know I sure did, at least in the past.  Heck, even the Jeremy Lin incident made me a little annoyed, and I don’t even know Jeremy Lin personally.

However, as I matured and became truly comfortable with who I am, it no longer affects me.

Haters (and the majority of the population are haters) will always try to put you down, most likely so they can cover up their own insecurities or their envy of you.  This is normal.  Just remember that.  This will help you realize that what these haters say are nothing personal – it happens to everybody, all the time.  As a result, you should not take the hate personally.

The best way to deal with haters is to not take them seriously.  Simply ignoring them will often suffice, however this is certainly no easy task for everyone – it takes some practice to develop the self-control and state-management to not be mentally bothered by someone’s cutting words.

But that’s why you are constantly improving yourself – getting in shape, looking your best, becoming knowledgeable and interesting, and becoming more and more confident.  The result is that you will become truly comfortable with who you are as a person – the best you.  And when you reach that stage, you will find that you are hardly ever insecure about anything.  You will be comfortable to laugh others and yourself, and you will not be bothered by trivial things.  This is the stage I am at right now in my life.  Racist jokes?  Penis jokes?  Bring them on.  Not only do I not take them seriously, I will even laugh it off or even go along with it and make fun of myself.  An aloof, indifferent nonchalance is your best defense in the face of envious haters.  To the bystanders (if you care), this response translates to “Haha, nice try, but I don’t give a fuck about what you just said, and in fact I am quite comfortable with laughing about myself too”.  Zero fucks given.  When you give off this vibe – light-hearted, unaffected, and solid like an oak tree, the bystanders will be drawn to your side, and the hater will appear to everybody as the smallest man in the room, who is trying too hard.

But, sometimes, it just feels so damn good to give them a little unexpected cold shiv straight to the heart, especially when the guy is really trying to put you down in front of others.  So, if I am really in a cynical mood when someone tries to belittle me in public, I would drop this on them:

Whatever makes you feel better about yourself!

Spoken slowly, calmly, and with a sly smirk on my face.

What this statement does is that it simply points out the obvious to everybody – the hater is trying to put me down so he can appear as higher status.  This translates to: the hater is really going out of his way to compete with me, which means that he must be jealous/envious of me and is insecure himself.  Boom.

Most of the time though, I don’t bother.  Laughing it off or going along with some self-depreciating humour will suffice, especially if the person dissing you is your friend and is only doing it for some immature banter.  Timothy DeLaGhetto does this very well – in some of his videos he will say something like, “mine is waaay smaller than that!”  Top-notch self-depreciation humour to relieve awkwardness and show zero insecurity.

Back straight and chin up, let’s keep marching onwards and upwards, fellow Asian brothers.

PS: If you liked this post and appreciate all the real talk here on my site, then please help us grow by subscribing or following us on social media, and help spread the word.  I’m a firm believer of “if you build it, they will come”, and I am more interested in providing good content as supposed to mass spamming to advertise my site.  But still, I would really appreciate it if you help get the word out about Better Asian Brother.  Tell your friends, your brothers, uncles, and dads (joking).  Cheers!

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  1. Agree and Amplify – “You’re a fag, so I know you like them thick.”

    1. Author

      Not a fan of such a response personally — comes off as defensive.

      Amused mastery > Defensiveness

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