Every time I’ve ever come across topics about Asian men’s dating on the internet, there was always some form of *the* question – “Are Western/white (non-Asian) women attracted to Asian men?” Then, when I scroll down, I would always see a pile of rubbish answers typically belonging to the following 4 types:
- Answers from naïve/clueless Asian guys saying that a lot of Western women are just not attracted to us
- Answers from politically correct white women saying that Asian guys just need to stop being so shy and be more confident and everything will be alright, blah blah
- Answers from the odd Asian brother who has been learning game/PUA stuff, who drops ambiguous Manosphere jargon like, “you just gotta be more alpha and dominant”
- The occasional dagger answer from an evil white guy who says, “I think white girls are just not attracted to Asian guys; for example I’m a white guy but I’m rarely attracted to girls of other races”
After seeing all these terrible answers that provide little truth and absolutely no guidance for a lost Asian brother, I have decided that enough is enough. I am stepping in with this post to dispel all the lies and to end this debate once and for all.
First of all, let’s get the rough stuff out of the way. Yes, there is 20% of the Western female population that are simply not attracted to Asian men. This is similar to the way that you and I are not attracted to certain races of women (for example I am simply biologically not attracted to really dark-skinned black women), but not exactly the same. I say not exactly the same because, biologically, men are attracted to visual cues, i.e. we are attracted mostly by a woman’s physical appearance. On the other hand, women are biologically more attracted by how a man makes them feel. Women are emotion-first creatures, and when a man crosses their path radiating sexy masculine swagger, regardless of race, he would be difficult for a woman to resist. Unfortunately, these 20% of women who are not attracted to Asian men are a result of heavy social conditioning and media brainwashing – when growing up, they have only come across meek/feeble Asian men (a greater percentage of such behaviour in Asian men compared to other races) or Asian men who appear as feminine little clowns on American TV (e.g. Leslie Chow from the Hangover). From this social conditioning, these 20% of women have formed this nearly unmoveable belief that ALL Asian men are of such stereotype and are simply asexual and unattractive (the opposite of masculine and attractive). But, not all hope is lost with this group of women – there is a slim chance that an odd Asian brother can come along with so much machismo and air-tight game that he completely shatters the expectations of these women. It is extremely infrequent, however, that this group of women have the mindfulness to even allow such an interaction to take place, since in their impression Asian men are not even part of the dating equation.
Now, let’s move to the polar opposite group. There is another 20% of the Western female population that are flat out attracted to Asian men, or would seriously consider Asian men as part of the dating equation. The women who are flat out attracted to Asian men often grew up with some sort of Asian influence (anime, Asian friends/boyfriend from a young age, etc.), and tend to be very interested in learning about Asian culture. As well, there are women who do not have the above but simply do find Asian features to be attractive. Even though women are emotion-centric creatures, they do have a pair of eyes and a judgment, just like everybody else, and therefore looks do matter and different people will have different tastes. As an Asian male, your chances are good when you come across a Western woman from this 20% bracket. But of course, you still need to have social skills and some basic game to increase and maintain attraction. If you are a scrawny and nerdy looking guy who doesn’t shower or brush your teeth often, dresses like a bum and can’t hold a normal conversation, then you can bet that you’ll strike out with this group just like any other (but thankfully, you discovered this blog and you are about to learn things that will improve your life!).
Finally, we have the remaining 60% of Western women. This group is what I call “the grey area”. These women are neither white-supremacists nor struck by “yellow fever”. Frankly, they are just women – regular women. They will generally prefer to date white men since it is the social norm, but are also open to dating other ethnicities. They will not go out of their way to flirt with Asian men, nor will they write off all Asian men. They are more or less open-minded and are willing to experiment, provided that the man is attractive. Attractive, simple as that. It is with this major demographic of women that many Asian men struggle, and develop this self-limiting belief that Western women are not attracted to us. Why? Because statistically, a higher percentage of Asian men do not possess the behavioural traits that are consciously AND subconsciously considered to be attractive by these women. In comparison with white man, black men, and Latino men, more Asian men tend to display meek, timid, and passive behaviour, which comes across as feminine and not masculine. This is simply representation by numbers. Of course, this statistical trend is amplified by the American mainstream media, giving birth to the stereotype of the weak and asexual Asian male. Then, all the negative stereotypes associated with the Asian male discourage many Asian males when it comes to social interactions and dating, resulting in more socially awkward and asexual Asian men who have no confidence or swagger. It is a vicious cycle really.
To summarize, if Western female perception of Asian males can be rated on a numerical scale of -10 to +10 (where +10 is sex and -10 is she vomits and calls the cops as soon as she sees you), then the first 20% of women would start at -6. In other words, highly unfavourable and unapproachable, but may be possible with top notch game and swagger, or money/status. On the other hand, the 20% of women who are very open to dating Asian men would start at something like +3. You would still need to have solid game to increase it to +10, but you certainly have a lot of room for error (i.e. to act like a bitch) before she starts ignoring you. The reason I put this number at +3 and not +6 is because it almost always requires a decent amount of effort on the man’s part to date or hook up with women. The only exceptions are if you are A) an A-list celebrity, B) filthy rich, C) the woman sees you as love at first sight. Finally, we have the remaining 60% majority, who start at 0 on average. Some might have minor biases and be at +2 or -2, but they average out to 0. For this group (which, again, is the majority of Western women), it’s fair game for all. She won’t care if you are Asian or black, all you need is to act like a man and make her tingle. When people see me with a white girl, some would say, “oh she’s into Asian guys.” They would automatically assume that the girl I was with was in the favourable 20%, and that is purely bitterness talking. I have met a handful of girls in my life who told me that I was “the first Asian guy they were attracted to” – they are not opposed to the idea of dating or having sex with an Asian man, they just haven’t come across any Asian men who displayed attractive behaviour. This is case in point – the attraction is not black or white, these women were part of the 60% who were open to possibilities.
I’ll insert a small side note here – a lot of Asian men are self-conscious or concerned about penis size. I just want to quickly end this debate and say – don’t worry about it. When you have a first interaction with a woman, her first thought is not “oh I wonder if this guy’s erect penis can hit my cervix”. (Well, it might, if she is a serial cock-carousel rider whose vagina has been loosened to the point where she can only feel any sensation from the most massive of mandingos, but this is a very small percentage of women.) So stop worrying about that, and worry about how you come across as a MAN/human being, instead. Her first thoughts are gonna be, “Who is this guy? Does he seem cool/sexy/creepy/awkward? He smells good/bad.”
To conclude this post, I just want to remind you again that nothing is definitive out there. The possibilities are always there, and it is only a matter of how/if you decide to play the game. It’s about improving yourself so that you become more confident, more attractive, and more of a MAN, even if you have been timid or shy all your life. The game is out there and everybody has to play by its rules – it’s up to you to decide whether you want to be a participant or an outsider. Take control of your life. The only way for us Asian men to eventually overturn all the negative social stereotypes against us is to improve as each and every individual. This is the reason I started this blog – the message needs to get out and people need to take action. Think about it – what if one day, the majority of Asian men in North America are muscular, well-dressed, socially savvy, and successful? That would become the new stereotype, and the world as we know it would be upside down.
Be a better Asian brother. Do it for the collective change.
PS: Another interesting point I would like to add – in my opinion, the 20/60/20 ratio I stated for Western women is most realistic for white women. For Western women of other ethnicities, we are looking at slightly different ratios. For example, if it’s Westernized Indian women we are talking about, then the ratio might be more like 40/40/20 – less Indian women are open to dating other races (non-Indian or non-white) due to slightly different mentalities as a result of cultural and familial factors, etc. From personal experience, I would consider white women to be the most open-minded out of all non-Asian races.