Foreword: This articles applies to English-speaking (Anglosphere) countries ONLY. You will find that things can be very different in other countries you visit.
We have arrived at the cyber age of instant access and instant gratification, where it is now possible to sit at home in your pajamas and “interact” with a potential romantic candidate. Free dating apps are almost too numerous to count – POF, OkCupid, Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, Hinge, etc. Where do we even begin?! I remember the good old days (like 4 years ago) when POF and OkCupid pretty much monopolized (duopolized?) the online dating market! For the purpose of this article I will mostly focus on Tinder, since it is the lowest maintenance and least time-consuming of the dating apps.
Apps like Tinder are especially appealing – low investment, high volume, numbers’ game. You do not need to put in time and thought to create a profile like you would on POF, and you can go through 50 different girls in your area within minutes. Sounds great, right?!
Not quite. Despite the allure of easy access to the pictures of many beautiful women, apps like Tinder are not all they seem. Getting to swipe pictures of women and actually getting matched with the hot ones are two completely different things, and furthermore, getting matched with the hot ones and actually managing to meet up with them in person are two completely different things. I remember the first time I opened up Tinder – my jaw pretty much dropped to the floor with the amount of sexy girls I saw, ALL IN ONE PLACE! I must have spent the next half an hour swiping and swiping, and waiting for matches to come up, like a kid Christmas Eve. However, the matches didn’t come – at least not as quickly or numerously as I was expecting.
There is one fundamental principle you have to understand when you devote your time to online dating – the dating game is now limited to looks (100% for Tinder, 90% for sites where you need to write a profile). Now, if you are a white guy in the 90th percentile of white guys in terms of facial features, then Tinder is the jackpot for you. Bless you and your ancestors, good sir. However, for the rest (majority) of the guys out there, especially ethnic dudes who are Asian, brown, etc., the odds are stacked against us. I’m not talking about a slight disadvantage either – it’s a landslide disadvantage.
Before you stop me and say that you see hot girls with ugly guys all the time – yes, this is true, but did they meet through a speedy online dating app? 99.9% of cases they did not. You see, when an ugly or average-looking guy meets a hot girl in real life, he has a solid chance. If his swagger is on-point and he is a devil with words, he can easily seduce the girl. Again, this is because women are attracted more to behavioural traits than physical traits. Back on a quick-fire online dating app like Tinder, however, this attribute no longer applies, and things come down strictly to looks. If you are outside of the top 10% of looks by mainstream standards, i.e. not tall, with white European features, strong jaw line, and looking like Adam Levine or Channing Tatum, then you are shit outta luck. When all she sees is your average-looking picture in a sea of dudes’ pictures, chances are you are not even granted the opportunity to message her, because you’ll never even match with her. And even when you are finally matched with a girl, you’ve still got to deal with the competition of 25 other matched guys who are messaging her at the same time.
The whole concept of game and picking up girls with your personality is based on the fact that looks don’t matter to women as much as your vibe. However, when your vibe is completely taken out of the picture and you are only judged based on your looks, then you have almost no chance, because the woman now holds 100% of the power. This form of dating now becomes a very passive form of dating, where you have to wait to be chosen by the woman. This is the opposite of the assertive form of dating, which is to make your own luck by approaching and interacting with girls in real life, to grant yourself permission to interact with them rather than to wait for their permission.
This phenomenon exists because, biologically and socially, women are status-chasing creatures. All women are instinctively hardwired to chase the most valuable and high-status (social, wealth) man they can find, only some may be less extreme about it than others (stronger family values, less shallow upbringing). This is simply a matter of biology – the egg is far more valuable than the sperm, and it is reserved for only the fittest sperm. The hotter the girl, the less likelihood that she is willing to settle for less-than-top-tier men. This means that girls, especially hot girls, are much more selective with who they are willing to interact with online. Men, on the other hand, are much more visually-driven creatures. As long as a woman is decent-enough looking (anywhere from a 6 to 10, say), we’re game. Combine these biological polarities between men and women, while taking the factor of male personality/swagger out of the equation, we get a hierarchy on Tinder where 90% of the men are swiping right on 90% of the women, while 90% of the women are only swiping right on 10% of the men. Supply and demand, you figure out the math.
Moreover, this phenomenon is detrimental to society as a whole. Unfortunately, due to extreme feminism and the downhill spiral that Western values are going through, more and more average-looking women (the 5’s and 6’s) are beginning to think that they deserve the top tier of men, just like their sisters who are 9’s and 10’s. Now, combine this already ballooned ego of average-looking girls with the amount of attention they garner online, we have a very unhealthy outcome – the further, delusional engorgement of the egos of average and below-average-looking girls (and not engorgement of their labia, hurhur). All this does is to produce more and more bitchy, average-looking girls who are full of entitlement – not a pretty prospect for the future of men. Enjoy wife-ing up one of those, hah.
Sure, all of the above are just obstacles and shouldn’t stop a strong-willed casanova like you, you might say. This brings us to my final point – online dating apps make you lazy. Why go out and do the work when you can play the lottery from the comfort of your living room couch? Except, unlike playing the lottery where it only takes 2 minutes to buy a ticket, you’ll end up spending hours and hours on dating apps. I remember the first time I discovered POF back in 2011, I spent FOUR straight hours on it that one night. That is borderline World of Warcraft commitment, and is unhealthy. I’ve also noticed that, since I started using Tinder a couple of years ago, I have become more of a pussy approaching girls in real life.
I consider myself to be a fairly good-looking guy with above-average standards, and I’ve only ever met up with 2 girls from Tinder, out of maybe 150 matches from 2,000 swipes. Not great odds, and it took me hours of sitting on the couch staring at my Android screen to get there. I am not saying that you have no chance with Tinder and shouldn’t use it at all – of course, for every lottery there is a chance. All I’m saying is, the odds are unfavourable and you definitely shouldn’t rely on it as your main source of dating, and presumably you can find better things to do with your time. I must confess, that I still go on Tinder occasionally to do a few swipes when I’m really bored, but that’s all it is — a few quick swipes at the lottery with no expectations.
Let’s end this on a positive note – one thing I can recommend a quick dating app like Tinder for is when you are traveling to new places – it can be a good tool to explore your potential reception as well as the talent level in the area. Like I’ve mentioned in this previous piece, there are always a small percentage of girls who have a thing for the exotic factor, and this percentage can increase depending on the culture and exposure of a place. Apps like Tinder are convenient for evaluating this data. Another case in which I might recommend online dating is if you are very serious about finding a mate with similar interests and values, in which case some specialized and paid (big difference) sites can be quite effective. I have never used these myself, but I have known several people who successfully met their spouses from sites like ChristianMingle or JDate.