This is a no-BS place for intelligent discussion and empowerment of the Asian male community in the Western world. What can we all do to improve our overall standard as men? How can this in turn improve our image, and allow Asian men to be perceived as more masculine, sociable, and attractive? You will find answers here, as well as other “Asian issues” that may be raised.
I immigrated to Canada with my parents in 2001 as a twelve year-old, leaving behind all my closest friends in the Motherland. I did not speak English and I had no friends in Canada. To pile further misery on my newfound isolation, my dad put me in a school that happened to have no other Asian kids (yes, such a school existed). A month later, a kid in my ESL class made fun of my ethnic background and got suspended for a day. Two months later, I spent my thirteenth birthday refusing to go to school, and ended the day by crying myself to sleep. I dreaded everything about going to school – from getting on the school bus to participating in gym class, all of it. I hated my new life in Canada.
Fast forward to today. I am a fit, confident, and perhaps even socially savvy Asian Canadian adult. I identify myself as Canadian, as well as a cultured citizen of the world. I have traveled, picked up knowledge of multiple languages, and I have close friends all over the globe. It took me years to get over my shyness with girls, but eventually, roughly 20 years into my life, I did. Since then, I have had a fulfilling and perhaps even colourful romance history, having exchanged intimacy with white girls, Latin girls, younger girls, and older women. I would shamelessly and confidently say that I have had more diverse life experiences than the average North American, and I’m just glad that my parents don’t even know the least of it!
I am not here to brag or boast. I simply wanted to describe the transformation of my life and to show you that it is possible. I have always wanted to write a blog to chronicle my experiences and my personal development, and I am finally taking action.
I know there are many fellow Asian men out there who are currently struggling through the same social dilemmas that I had faced myself, because I see them everywhere, all the time. I want my experiences to serve as a source of inspiration and information for the lost Asian brothers out there. After all, I was once very lost myself and I asked the heavens how I was ever going to fit into Western society (I’m not even religious). In hindsight, any practical advice would have helped me tremendously at the times of my struggles. I feel that people are too afraid to talk about these things because they are such taboo topics. I am not worried about that anymore, and I am just going to put myself and my stories out there.
I described my life’s transformation above, and for all those of you out there who want to transform your lives – you can too. All it takes is three steps, which I shall name the Three A’s. Admittance, Awareness, and Action. It’s like rehab in a way. First, you must admit that you have a problem – you are not happy with your life, and which specific areas you would like to improve. Second, you must be aware of the steps you need to take to make these changes, and this, hopefully, is where this blog comes in. Third, you must take action. The first step is the easiest, while the last step is the hardest. You must stay focused on your goal, and have a single-minded determination to push forward and obtain what you desire.
To start things off on the right foot, I want you to imprint one simple idea in your mind – do not think about your race. You must cement this mentality where you do not consider your race when facing any situation – because it is the association with our race that often generates a lot of insecurities for a lot of people. You must be an Asian brother who chooses to not be limited by racial classification, but instead to possess an open mind and showcase yourself to this big, beautiful world of ours. To do this, you must step out of your comfort zone time and time again, to the point where you eventually will not give two fucks about what people think. It’s a gradual process, but over time as you repeatedly step out of your comfort zone, you will notice personal development taking place. When you have eventually reached a point of inner peace, where you are hardly ever insecure about anything, then you will notice that you have become completely masculine. You will discover that you are now laid-back, cool as fuck, and have swagger.
These days, people often tell me, “you are not a typical Asian”, or “you are blah blah blah for an Asian”, or “you are the first Asian I’m attracted to”. I find these statements to be ignorant but amusing at the same time. This really goes to show that people in the Western world have specific associations of Asian men with certain attributes. This should not be how the world works, and we must do our best to dispel these stereotypical associations, which often portray us as passive, lacking in confidence, and dry in personality.
Yes, at the end of the day, despite what I am mentally, I am still Asian by technical classification – it is my ethnicity and you can see it on my face, in my eyes, and hair. And guess what, I am perfectly comfortable with that. I accept who I am, I am comfortable with who I am, and I do not wish to be anybody else. I simply did everything in my power to not be shackled by the social stereotypes and expectations that come with being an Asian man. There is a fine line between improving yourself to be the best (Asian) man you can be and pretending that you are not Asian whatsoever. The latter is commonly known as Asian self-loathing and must be avoided at all costs, because it is not self-improvement, but rather, it is the worst form of insecurity.
Today, there are countless internet blogs on things like culture, self-improvement, and dating. However, most are catered more so towards the mainstream white male demographic, and do not take into consideration specific cultural and ethnic issues faced by Asian men. In this blog, I represent the unique and authentic voice for Asian men living in the Western world. Whether you are a high school teenager and are struggling to fit in socially, or an adult who is trying to find more success in the dating market, or simply someone who is looking for new ideas to better package your overall image, please read on. If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, please do not hesitate to leave them in the comments section of any blog page.
At the meantime, Hollywood and American mainstream media will continue to try to emasculate Asian men and portray us in a negative light. We cannot do much about that. What we can do, however, is to all take action, learn, and improve ourselves, as each and every individual. Flip the script one by one, and one day we can flip the script altogether.
Be a better Asian brother.